October 13, 2012

Joshua's 2nd Birthday

 Last year for Joshua's first birthday we went to Las Vegas. This year we went to Disneyland. It wasn't very crowded and we were able to get on a couple of rides without waiting at all. I was very disappointed that the Indiana Jones Ride was closed down (it's my favorite), but besides that we had a pretty good time. (Salesi was a good sport and at least acted like he was having fun.)



















And we got to see my grandfather (who is getting pretty old).

October 6, 2012

For All You Haters Out There

I know some of you are  haters. Okay. Okay. I can be a hater too. (I'm sure you all are rolling your eyes right now saying, "dang right you are".) Yes. I can be a brat sometimes.  But in my defense--since this is my blog--I wanted to address a couple of issues that it seems like people "bother" me about quite often on here.

1. Why don't you tell more people (or everyone) about Joshua?

Think of all the people you see/meet/talk to on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Now think of how many of those people you actually might see more than once. Now multiply that number by 34 and divide it by .053. (Ha, just kidding.) I know that some people honor their child by making sure they always talk about him/her when people ask. That's cool. I, on the other hand feel like telling everybody wouldn't do me all that good. There's just some people that I feel as if maybe they just don't need to know. You know--that grocery clerk that I might only see once. I feel like it isn't worth their time, or mine. And sometimes they might cheapen my experience which is just going to make me feel worse than I already did. So, I have decided to pick and choose who I tell. 

There are also times when I'm feeling really emotional and just plain out do not feel like crying in front of anybody that day. It basically just depends on how I'm feeling and who the heck the person is. And sometimes I just don't have a chance or reason too. Think of what it's like going to church. Nobody sees us with any kids so they all assume we don't have any. Unless it's part of the conversation I don't just randomly tell people, "Oh by the way I wanted you to know that we have a son that died." (However, I did bring it up when we gave talks in our new ward because I wanted people to know.) I'm pretty sure it will be a lot easier (or maybe not) when we have more kids. When people visibly see you with children they usually ask the question "how many kids do you have" more often than not. Then, when we do have more kids, I plan on adding Joshua to the number and letting them figure it out and ask more questions if they wish.

Sorry if that answer isn't good enough for you. Please--if you have lost a child--tell me if my response seems all that strange.

2. Why is it so difficult to find support?

For me, it's been difficult finding support. There is one support group I've heard about called "Compassionate Friends", but I've never gone. (Yes, maybe I should.) A couple of girls from my church started a support group for moms in the Phoenix area who have lost children. We try to get together every 6-9 months and go out to breakfast. I have done that twice. I appreciate that group and it's nice getting to spend a morning with other moms that I can really relate to. However, I haven't gotten close to any of those girls. I only see them once, maybe twice a year--so, it still makes it hard for me. To be honest, I don't have anyone I'm really close with that I can talk to things about. Not even family. Sad, I know. (And don't get me started on family. Not saying all of them are bad, but just don't get me started.) Every so often I will meet an old lady at church that lets me know she, too has lost a child. I'm always grateful for those moments. (And nothing against old ladies.) I appreciate all those who remember and acknowledge Joshua. Even just a note on Facebook or a text. 

I have also tried to find counselors that might give me support. This is also a tricky one. It's tough finding a counselor you like, let alone one who really understands grief and what you are going through. Some of them want to understand you but when they haven't been through it themselves it's pretty much impossible.

Again, I try to make it public knowledge to those I associate with on a regular basis, hoping that if any of them have also been through a similar experience they would let me know so that we could support each other. Yes, you would be surprised at how many other people have also lost children...and then you would also be surprised at how few people have also lost children. 

So for me, it just makes it difficult at times--if that's okay if I say so.    

October 2, 2012

The Club

There's something about meeting a fellow member of the club. You don't even have to say anything. You just know. It's like they can see right through you--right into your soul. They know what you are feeling...what you've been through...what you are still going through...and what you will yet go through. They know exactly what to say. They never offend you. They never disrespect you. They would never ever want to cheapen your experience. They would never ever say anything cliche-like or cheesy to make you feel awkward or mocked. In fact, many times they say nothing at all. They know not to compare, make assumptions, and say "I know what you are feeling". They know better than anyone else what you are experiencing--but they know just how stupid it would be to say so. Instead--they just listen.

When you come across a fellow club member you can breathe a sigh of relief. You know if you needed to talk they would be there for you and not judge. They would never try to change you. Even if they are just an acquaintance--you can have confidence knowing that you can give each other that specific look that says, "I know. I know."

It's very difficult finding support in this club. In the rare instances you feel understood--it does something to you. You feel a bit of gratitude knowing that you are not alone. It's exhausting sometimes trying to explain your story to someone not in the club. You worry about what kinds of things they will say.  Will they be offensive without even knowing? And even worse--what will you say back to make certain you protect yourself, your child, your grief, your pain and emotions that are so sacred to you because only YOU experienced it and know just how dark those dark moments really are.

It's hard. You want to tell people. You want everyone to know about your child. You want them to know that he is a real person. You want them to know that a piece of your heart has been ripped out and you will never get it back--not in this life anyway.

Everyone whose not in the club will want to compare--liken any experience possible to your experience. Unfortunately this doesn't work. A counselor I was seeing shortly after Joshua's death would always compare my emotions of losing a child to his emotions of finding out his toddler had cancer. This offended me. Finally one day I had enough courage to let him know what I was thinking. When I started to verbalize my hurt feelings, he quickly realized why this would bother me so much. He responded, "You are right. I should not compare that situation with yours. That was wrong of me. I got to take my son home from the hospital--and you didn't."

I know we all make mistakes and say things without thinking. I'm probably the worse one of all. I know that is one of the reasons I was given this trial--to learn to be just a little more sensitive, a little more caring, and a  little more loving. I never used to know what to say to someone who had lost a child--or any family member or loved one for that matter. However, I now know the best and most simplest thing to say in this type of circumstance: "I'm so sorry." And that's all you have to say and do. 

September 21, 2012

I'm A Housewife

Is there something so bad about being a housewife?

As I'm sitting in a chair getting my haircut one day, the girl asks, "So what do you do?" 

(Ugh. Seriously hate this stupid question.)

"I'm a housewife." I respond without hesitation. 

"Ha! A housewife!? What exactly does a housewife do!?" She asks annoyingly. 

"Oh ya know...I clean and cook and go grocery shopping."

(My answer isn't good enough. Obviously.) 

"I would never want to do that. Don't you want to go to school?" She asks.

"No, not really," I say. 

(Does she think I'm like 18 or something?) 

She asks again, "Don't you want to go to school?" 

I reply, "Oh I've already been to school. I went to cooking school a long...time...ago." 

(Trying to prove a point that I'm not even close to being 18.) 

"I do parties and cook for people, ya know, when people ask me," I add. 

(Silence. No response from the other side. My answer isn't good enough. Again.) 

"Well ya know I do teach piano too. Oh--and nanny every so often. Oh--and I watch "Let's Make A Deal" every day and ya know stay up late every night watching episodes of "My Fair Wedding" on Netflix...and then of course I sleep in and get up just in time to watch "Let's Make a Deal" again.

(Okay so I really didn't say any of that last part.)

I also told her I've been married for 4 years and don't have any kids. She responded with, "Do you wanna have kids??"

On a more positive note, she did give me a good haircut...

September 12, 2012

Blah Blah Blah

I just have a lot of thoughts right now. Many probably not so nice. But it's how I feel. Okay so they aren't nice but what am I to do? I guess I will write on my blog. 

I feel like I have no one I can relate with. I'm kind of in that weird stage of life. I'll be 32 in a couple months and I have no kids [at home]. I know, I know--only weird if you are a Mormon--which I am. The only people I honestly feel like I can relate to are the singles. And yes, I'm talking about the Mormon Singles. Why do I feel like I have most in common with them? Well because their life sucks and so does mine. (Yes I just said that.) Oh, and I'm not talking about those girls who are 20 or 25 and single. (Oh boo hoo you're 25 and not married.) I'm talking about the mid-singles. (Ya know, those who are my age or maybe a little older.) 

So here's what went down a couple of weeks ago... A lady from another ward came into our Relief Society to make an announcement about a marriage class that would be starting up. She made a point to say that only those who are married can attend the class and both the wife and the husband must come together or they shouldn't come at all. After she gave her reasoning I totally understood what she meant. Nevertheless, after RS, one of our mid-single girls started a conversation with an older, married member of our ward about how she was offended that the marriage class was only for those who were married...blah blah blah. When I first heard that something like that would hurt someone's feelings I thought, "well what are we supposed to do? There's lots of church activities--some of them are for married couples and some of them are for single people." 

Then the next night I remembered a lesson we had a couple of weeks ago in Relief Society. It was about teaching our children. I honestly wanted to puke throughout the entire lesson. And who are the only other ones who might be feeling the same way? Yup--the mid singles.

Okay, so I'm not the only married girl without children [at home]. But I really think I'm the oldest without children [at home]. Just saying I totally get why the mid-single girl was offended.

Man that was a long story but I feel better telling it.

August 15, 2012

Something In My Eye

Something is in my eye. No. Really. Or maybe not. I'm feeling a little bit emotional right now. One part happy and one part sad. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. 

I'm feeling like a proud mother who doesn't have to wonder whether or not their child is behaving because I know without a doubt that my child is practically perfect in every way.

I'm feeling anxious and excited for the future knowing that one day we will have more children but nervous that the same thing or worse could happen again.

I'm feeling in awe of the marvelous plan that God created knowing that this Earthly life is but a second.  

I'm feeling distinguished and exclusive that I might know just a little more about life after death only because I ponder about it way more than the average man.

I'm feeling like a failure knowing that God expects more of me and hoping I will be worthy to obtain a son like Joshua. 

I haven't cried in a while. I think I'm missing my baby right now. Just a little. 

July 31, 2012

What To Do When You Are Grieving

By Kaci Goodrich Uipi

I've written posts about what one should do when their friend or loved one has lost a child...but it just dawned on me that I haven't written a post giving advice as to what the parent should be doing to help them cope with their loss. So here's a list I put together to help you, the griever, get through some tough days.

1. Pamper yourself. When things really start sinking in it's very important to be good to yourself. Get a massage, buy a new outfit, get your hair done, go on vacation, go out to eat.

2. Keep a journal. This one wasn't hard for me because I've kept a journal my entire life. Writing is therapeutic. You could also keep a blog (like I do), and it doesn't even have to be a public blog--just write down your feelings. Be honest and real. Don't worry--you don't have to share with anyone if you don't want to.

3. Eat comfort food. I ate Mexican Sweet Rolls and Mexican Hot Chocolate every day for breakfast for a good 3-4 months following Joshua's death. I didn't think anything of it. I now realize why I wasn't loosing any baby weight...but it was what I needed at the time. I'm not saying to eat junk food all day long (especially if you have a health/weight concern), but the point is to not be so hard on yourself! 

4. Only surround yourself with people and activities that soothe you. This is very important. Think of a scab. (As gross as it sounds...) If you keep picking at it--it won't heal! (Now, I don't believe that in this life we will ever fully heal from our loss, but the point is to continue taking steps forward..."PRESS FORWARD!") 

5. Do yoga and go on walks. My therapist, who specializes in trauma, always tells me that yoga is one of the best things a trauma victim can do. She also believes that doing a heavy workout isn't such a good idea. (I know some of you would beg to differ and have found much relief running marathons etc.), but just know that yoga is extremely calming for trauma patients and has helped me recently.

6. Go to counseling. There is no shame in receiving therapy. I didn't waste any time with this one. (Of course suffering a major loss brings out many other problems as well, so don't be surprised if your life seems as if it's ripping apart from all angles...) I have found that I do much better with a female--because I'm a female. Don't be discouraged if you can't find a good fit at first. It took me a few counselors before I was able to find a good match. If I could just give 2 other helpful tips when it comes to finding a great therapist: 1. You can't put a price on your health, especially emotional health. Go less frequent if it's expensive. 2. If your therapist makes you feel bad, sad or discouraged--stop seeing them!! Your counselor should uplift you and give you hope every time you visit them! Hello--you are going to counseling to reduce your stress--not make more of it!!

7. Take it easy and don't be so hard on yourself! If you stay up late and sleep in--or even go to bed early and sleep in--who cares! (Of course if you have other kids you probably won't be able to do this...and I know people with other kids say they are grateful to their other kids because it makes them have to get out of bed in the morning...did that make sense?)

8. Ease back into things. Normal activities that were fun and enjoyable for you before the death might not be so fun anymore. Don't have too many expectations. Stop trying to have success with the activity if it's not working. One day the dark cloud that surrounds you will thin out and your step will be light again, and the joy you found with your old hobbies and daily routine will come back in due time.

9. Don't let people tell you what you should and shouldn't be doing. As much as they love you, they don't truly understand what you're going through. Only you do.

10. Don't be embarrassed for crying at any given time or not feeling up to doing something--even if you've already committed to it. Do whatever is best for you. If someone makes you feel bad for not wanting to leave the house, then maybe you shouldn't be associated with that person right now. Grief can be triggered by a million different things...so don't ever feel silly for crying or suddenly feeling sad.  

June 25, 2012

No Idea

The more and more I meet people and have to tell them about Joshua, I realize something. Unless it's happened to them, they seriously, honestly, positively have NO idea. Whatsoever. At all. Sad but true. 

For example, the other day a friend mentions that my parents have 6 grand-kids. Hmmm. Really? I thought they had 7. Ya see, if you had lost a child, you would never leave that child out when counting how many grand-kids your parents have. 

There is one exception to the rule, however: If a crazy cashier at T.J.Maxx asks you if you have any kids you, of course, say "no". This same cashier also started out by asking me what I do. Well obviously I don't do that much if I'm shopping at T.J.Maxx.

April 22, 2012

Random Thoughts

So I haven't written in here for a while. I've been busy. But besides being busy, I feel like I'm kind of at a new "level" of my grief. I go more and more days without crying, and I don't get that sick feeling so much when I see a new baby. Don't get me wrong--it's still hard sometimes. I still sometimes just sit in awe that something like this happened to me... I think to myself, "My baby died? Why did my baby have to die?" And occasionally I will still get that horrific image of Joshua being put inside of a body bag. (No, I didn't actually see this take place, but I asked the nurse right before we left the hospital if she was going to put him inside of a body bag before taking him down to the morgue and she said "yes". Seriously--NO mother should ever have to be haunted with a mental image of their child being zipped up in a body bag. Ugh.)  

I do worry that I don't think about him enough. I worry that I'm forgetting important details and images from his life. I know that there's a lot of people that don't think I could honestly miss someone that much who only lived for a month. In fact, when I tell them he passed away at a month old, they will sometimes say, "Well I guess you carried him for 9 months so, that was probably hard." Yes. It was hard. And--it still is hard. He was a real person to me. Is the pain worse if your child is older? Maybe. I sometimes think that (to be honest). But I would never tell someone who lost a day old baby that they have it easier than me just because their baby was only a day old. That's nonsense.


March 9, 2012

I Miss Him

I miss him...

When I listen to a love song.

When I watch a sad movie.

When I see other babies, and now toddlers, and well...pretty much any children.

When I see his picture.

When I play the piano.

When I go to church. (This is a hard one.)

When I'm in love with my husband. (This might sound weird, but I didn't want to put "when I love my husband" because then it sounds like there are times when I don't love him--which may or may not be true--but as far as the love thing goes...I think all you BLM's know what I'm talking about.)

When I go on walks. (Now an everyday occurrence in my life...maybe...)

When I do genealogy work. (Okay, so besides scrap booking and journal writing--ya know, my own personal genealogy work--I just barely started indexing, but hey--I gotta start somewhere.)

When I see a beautiful painting. (Or pretty much anything beautiful.)

When I go to the temple. (I always pray that I will see him there because I'd much rather see him there than in my home...that would just freak me out.)

March 7, 2012

Headstone #1


We'll call this "Headstone #1" because this is actually a MESS-UP. Yup. They made it wrong. The wording is correct, but the color of granite and polishing is all wrong. I asked for the darker granite, and also that the entire marker be un-polished or "rough". I know. I'm weird. I didn't want pictures or borders, or shiny granite. (I also was the one to wear a short wedding dress and get sealed at 7:30 at night...really weird, right?) Plus, it's very different in the way that we wrote out the dates. I guess you could say that I don't like commas or something. I really do like how the wording came out (even though I'm not a fan of the bottom font, but it was the only way to fit it on 3 lines--so I went with it.) And I'm very happy that I listened to my mother, the genealogist, and added the last line that reads, "First born of Kaci Goodrich & Salesi Uipi". (It needs to be hosed down and cleaned off, but I will make sure I do that with the new one coming next week.)

(Oh...and why the heck did we wait over a year to get a headstone for  Joshua?  I don't know--we just got around to it finally I guess you could say. Lame excuse, but true. Besides, Salesi wanted to wait a while for the ground to settle... It's a Tongan tradition or something??)

March 3, 2012

Still Hard

It's still hard...

Getting on Facebook to find someone who had a baby around Joshua's birthday, now announce they are pregnant with their 2nd baby.

Looking at pictures of Joshua at home--healthy--and trying to figure out exactly what went wrong, and WHEN did it go wrong?

Telling people we don't have any kids and hearing them say it's now probably a good time to start, since we've been married 4 years.

Never knowing what Joshua would look like and sound like right now, today.

Telling people about Joshua, but then having them not ask any questions about him, like--"what was his name, and what was he like"--Basically acting like he wasn't a real person.

(On a side note--Salesi told me that I say the word "basically" WAY too much. Can you count how many times I said it on here?)

February 26, 2012

I Look Stressed Out

Who likes to hear somebody tell you that "you look stressed out"? Ummm anybody? Salesi got a new calling and so now he's able to come and hear me teach Sunday School. (Well, when he has time...) So I guess today he came in my class for the last 20 minutes or so, and after church he told me that it's obvious that "I'm stressed and crying out for help up there..." Seriously? Do I really look like that up there? (It is 10 in the morning after all, and I'm not a morning person.)

Of course I did finish my lesson by showing the Mormon Message video titled, "Hope Ya Know, We Had A Hard Time." (Go here to watch it.) Before I played it I mentioned, "I really like this video because I feel like that a lot." WELL I DO! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME!

It seems like I always get in these talks with Salesi about how "sucky my life is" and how "I have no friends". Anyway, so we go back and forth and back and forth and he always tells me that "people are scared to be my friend because I look sad and stressed out"... Hmm, doesn't seem like there's an end to this one. Well, I actually do end it every time. (I mean--for the night at least.) It seems like I always remember a very important point: I don't need friends! I don't even have time for friends! (How would I have time for friends when I don't even have time to do the laundry?) And besides, I like doing things by myself!

It's probably better anyway that I don't spend time with other people--I'm just way too emotional right now...and stressed out of course. I mean, it would be pretty embarrassing if some of my emotions got the best of me while hanging out with other people. (I might never find out for sure, but it's probably better if I never do.)


February 14, 2012

The B Word

Of course I think about the "B Word" a lot. (Salesi asks me about it pretty much everyday.) All the time I read on people's blogs about how a "new baby is very healing..." Well, to tell you the truth (as if I need to remind you I'm going to be honest on this blog), I just don't know if I believe that... Or, at least believe it could be true for me. It seems like part of it just comes down to image. NO--I'm not saying that this is how it is for everyone else--but for me, this is how I feel. Let me explain...

If I had a new baby, it would seem like I've moved on, or at least taken a step in that direction, right? Not just that, but us women (especially us Mormon Women), like to "do it all", right? Of course the thought of me getting older is always in the back of my head (or front?)... Questions like: "If I have a baby in a year, how old will I be when they get married?" Or thoughts like, "How much cuter would our next Christmas Card look to have a baby in the picture?"

The truth is this: Not only do I not feel emotionally ready to have another baby right now, it stresses me out seeing other BLM's continuing down the path of bringing more children into this world, while I'm still indecisive about this whole CGD/IVF stuff.

Yes, yes, yes... I understand everyone is different, and this kind of stuff shouldn't stress me out, but that's only ANOTHER reason why I have a lot of (emotional) problems! (I will need counseling the rest of my life...as if I didn't go to enough sessions already.)

February 13, 2012

Alone

By Kaci Goodrich Uipi

I have felt very alone these past few days. I did a lot of crying today and I haven't really cried in a while. Today it hit me that I'm still "not over" all the pain, hurt and resentments that I feel and that I've only been masking these feelings with being busy or just holding in my emotions. I always feel tired, sick, angry and--to be honest--I just don't like the person I am.

I know I need to go to counseling. Actually, I was going to finally call the counselor today to make an appointment, but then I got too scared that I might start crying over the phone...so I didn't.

I know I still have resentments towards our new ward. The bishop has been great. However, it bothers me that I don't have visiting teachers (I don't even know who they are). Also, we finally just got a home teacher, or at least a home teacher who wants to actually visit us now. I mean, I know this is all normal, nothing too weird to "not know who your home teachers are for 6 months"...right? It's just hard moving into a new ward 7 months after your baby dies, and then not even the relief society president mentions anything to you the whole time while you are in the ward. I don't know what would make it better... Maybe just a, "When is Joshua's birthday?" or "How old would Joshua be?" Well, of course, it might be nice to first ask, "So, what was your son's name?" I just feel like he isn't a real person to anyone, and it makes coping with my loss a little difficult. 


February 2, 2012

Did He Know


Did Joshua know he would only be staying here a very short time? Did God Tell him that his Earthly Mission would last only a few weeks?

As we were making the decision in the PICU to take him off Life Support, my sister asserted, "Right before Joshua was born, God said to him, 'Now Joshua, I am only sending you down there for a little while, and then I need you right back up here where you belong'..." 

Whether or not that really happened, I suppose that Heaven is definitely the place where Joshua belongs right now.

January 30, 2012

The Beginning Of The End

Joshua at 9 days old waiting in the ER for a more permanent room in the Pediatric Ward at St. Joe's Hospital in Phoenix.
If you look closely at this picture, you will notice a 9 day-old baby with perfect olive skin, a perfect shaped head, and the perfect ability to sleep and breathe on his own.

If you look much closer at this picture, you will notice a large bruise on Joshua's left hand. This was from the IV line he had in him during his 3 day stay in the NICU following his birth, hence the IV line stuck in his head this time around.

If you look really close at this picture, you will notice a beautiful little baby who is about to leave his mommy and daddy and end his mortal existence on this Earth.

Did you see it?

Joshua was so perfect in every way...yet he wasn't. I didn't know it at the time, but this really was the beginning of the end for Little Joshua. This is the very last picture we have of him where he still looks healthy and normal. (Besides having that stupid thing sticking out of his head, of course.)

I miss him. I've been thinking about potentially bringing another little one into this world but, it scares me. It really scares me. After pondering the last couple of weeks about whether or not we should conceive a baby naturally, I've realized that it scares me too much to consider that option. A 1 in 4 chance is way too risky for me, no matter what others say or think.

And right now I still have so many feelings locked inside of me, that I'm not sure when the time will come to make that final decision.

January 15, 2012

Done With Kids

Sometimes I feel like we are done having kids. It's as if we already raised our kids and now it's back to just the two of us doing our own thing because our kids have moved out of the house. Weird. Or, maybe I don't want to think about having kids right now because I'm finally enjoying my life just a little.

Well I can't do anything anyway until I have a followup appointment with my Pulmonologist about my Valley Fever blood test. Weird again. He wanted me to wait to get pregnant until he knew that my Valley Fever status hadn't changed in 3 months. (Man, I sure am personal on this blog.)

I'm still not even sure about the whole kid thing. (I can think of a million excuses as to why I would be a bad candidate to bearing and raising children, by the way.) Why is it when you want kids you can't have them? And when you don't want kids it's as if you know you should have them?

January 5, 2012

Painting of Joshua

Can you tell what my favorite Christmas gift was last year?

My sister Kelley made this for me. (Pretty good eh?)

January 4, 2012

Why Don't You Have 10 Kids Yet

By Kaci Goodrich Uipi

Here's a little something funny... or maybe not. (At least I'm now laughing about it.)

While in Utah my sister Kelley decided we should go to the beauty college to be pampered (or something like that). So as we were sitting there getting manicures (which BTW don't EVER get manicures at a beauty school. TRUST ME.) Kelley's student kept going on and on about how she has 7 kids and her life is so busy. She then made a comment about "not being that old" and "only being a few years older than this girl over there". (She said this while pointing her finger in my direction.) She then added, "Yeah, where are your 10 kids!?" Trying to be polite I responded with, "Oh, well I didn't get married till I was about 28."

Now here comes the funny part... When we got home later that day, I reminded my sister of the rude remark her student said to me. Kelley exclaimed, "Kaci! She wasn't even talking to you! I was so shocked when you answered her because she was talking to the girl behind you!" I still didn't believe that her student was talking to someone other than me, but I finally decided to move on and just go with it. 

Let me just add one more thing... I was SO close to saying to her, "Why don't I have 10 kids yet!? Well it's a little hard to have 10 kids when you don't get married until you are 28 and then your first baby dies!!" Yeah...that would have shown her!

(PS--I have never thought that 28 is an old age for marriage. I know people that do, which is another story for another time.)