Of course I think about the "B Word" a lot. (Salesi asks me about it pretty much everyday.) All the time I read on people's blogs about how a "new baby is very healing..." Well, to tell you the truth (as if I need to remind you I'm going to be honest on this blog), I just don't know if I believe that... Or, at least believe it could be true for me. It seems like part of it just comes down to image. NO--I'm not saying that this is how it is for everyone else--but for me, this is how I feel. Let me explain...
If I had a new baby, it would seem like I've moved on, or at least taken a step in that direction, right? Not just that, but us women (especially us Mormon Women), like to "do it all", right? Of course the thought of me getting older is always in the back of my head (or front?)... Questions like: "If I have a baby in a year, how old will I be when they get married?" Or thoughts like, "How much cuter would our next Christmas Card look to have a baby in the picture?"
The truth is this: Not only do I not feel emotionally ready to have another baby right now, it stresses me out seeing other BLM's continuing down the path of bringing more children into this world, while I'm still indecisive about this whole CGD/IVF stuff.
Yes, yes, yes... I understand everyone is different, and this kind of stuff shouldn't stress me out, but that's only ANOTHER reason why I have a lot of (emotional) problems! (I will need counseling the rest of my life...as if I didn't go to enough sessions already.)