June 25, 2012

No Idea

The more and more I meet people and have to tell them about Joshua, I realize something. Unless it's happened to them, they seriously, honestly, positively have NO idea. Whatsoever. At all. Sad but true. 

For example, the other day a friend mentions that my parents have 6 grand-kids. Hmmm. Really? I thought they had 7. Ya see, if you had lost a child, you would never leave that child out when counting how many grand-kids your parents have. 

There is one exception to the rule, however: If a crazy cashier at T.J.Maxx asks you if you have any kids you, of course, say "no". This same cashier also started out by asking me what I do. Well obviously I don't do that much if I'm shopping at T.J.Maxx.


  1. It is so true! You can't get it, unless you have to. I have missed you in the blog world!

  2. Yes, it is so true. I remember my own mother saying she had, "6 grandkids, oh and..." when somebody asked her how many she had. My mom has been really good overall, but that was hard.

    I remember once being what I know see as insensitive to a friend's loss before I had any kids. It haunts me now to think of it.

    I, too, want to tell people who ask about my kids. I just want them to know about him. I have seen so many shocked an uncomfortable faces in reaction, I haven't done it as much.

  3. For strangers it is seriously none of their business. We had a guy at QT ask if we were going to have our baby at home. I said no, I need to be in a hospital (because of my previous emergency c-section nightmare. Didn't say the last part.) He had the gall to ask why.
    Um.... nunyadangbusiness!! He doesn't need to know we already have one baby in heaven.

    My mom usually says she has 11 grandchildren and one in heaven. I always appreciate that.

  4. Glad to see you post on here!

    People just don't get it...I would be very offended and hurt by the grandkids comment. ((hugs))

  5. As hurtful as it may be, I imagine that your friend temporarily forgot about Joshua when she was counting grandkids. Since she couldn't picture him running around, he was left out. They made an unfortunate mistake. Although, if they did remember him and left him out on purpose, that would be a whole different story- completely terrible. I still think you should say yes when asked by strangers if you have kids though, but not give them any details. Miss hearing from you on this blog as often. Hope you are well though.

  6. Kaci, I just read most of the posts on your blog and I admire you so much for your strength, faith, and the way you are dealing with your horrible loss. Wow. You are beautiful inside and out. Joshua is a beautiful baby. He will be yours for eternity, even though you are dealing with this difficult period of separation. I have no doubt that he is your guardian angel and that he is thriving in Heaven! You are an amazing mother.

    x Katherine

  7. I totally just stumbled onto your blog and decided to share my answer. It has been many years since my own child passed away so I have had to answer this many times and in many different circumstances. If I am meeting someone new that I will be associating with (neighborhood, ward, work, etc.) I tell them five when they ask, and explain that my daughter passed away. But if it's someone I won't likely meet again it's whatever I decide in the moment. Sometimes I say five, sometimes four. It's when they start asking ages that I have to start explaining. I loved how a friend who lost a child explains it... "... five; raising four."


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