March 3, 2012

Still Hard

It's still hard...

Getting on Facebook to find someone who had a baby around Joshua's birthday, now announce they are pregnant with their 2nd baby.

Looking at pictures of Joshua at home--healthy--and trying to figure out exactly what went wrong, and WHEN did it go wrong?

Telling people we don't have any kids and hearing them say it's now probably a good time to start, since we've been married 4 years.

Never knowing what Joshua would look like and sound like right now, today.

Telling people about Joshua, but then having them not ask any questions about him, like--"what was his name, and what was he like"--Basically acting like he wasn't a real person.

(On a side note--Salesi told me that I say the word "basically" WAY too much. Can you count how many times I said it on here?)


  1. Why do you tell people you don't have any kids? I mean, I guess I understand why you say it because you don't want to have to have that discussion with them and I get that, but it hurts me to hear that you say that you don't have kids because you know it's not true. I don't know what's worse. Having the Joshua discussion with people you first meet or lying and saying you don't have any kids. I think I would rather have the Joshua discussion, but that's just me.

  2. I second what cristin just said. I have people say really stupid stuff to me when I say I don't have kids like, "oh, you are just having fun being married". I can't imagine being in your, situation and hearing the stupid stuff people respond with. And you do have a baby!

  3. Im sorry! It is very hard!! Either conversation is hard to have. Being a BLM anwsering with 3 kids rather than 4 makes me feel terrible but also talking about the 4th and explaining can be hard as well. Im sure Kaci wants to say she has a sweet baby but he is a angel but people can say the meanest most cruel things and they dont even blink. Im sorry Kaci! You are in a hard spot. Please know that I care about you and think your an amazing woman!

  4. Those things should still be hard... :( None of this is easy and we all struggle with different things that bother us. Most of what you say I struggle with, daily. Thinking of you and hoping that things seem to get "easier" in whatever sense that means.

  5. I know right? Does it ever get easier? I want to be happy when people have healthy babies...but really I mostly not. It makes me feel like such a terrible person. I hate when people dont ask more. I want to be like "well let me just tell you my life story!" ;)


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