November 9, 2011


By Kaci Goodrich Uipi

So this month I have felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Which, by the way, goes perfectly with this month being November and all. And as cheesy as it is (especially for me), I thought I would actually make a list of everything I'm thankful for when it comes to the loss of my son...

1. Friends who continually call to say they are thinking about us.
2. All the hundreds of friends (yes, there was a lot), and family that came to the funeral service.
3. The friend that sent me a plant on Joshua's birthday.
4. The friend that took me out to dinner for his 1 year angelversary.
5. The friend that texted me on his birthday.
6. The friends who called to ask if they could leave flowers on his grave for Memorial Day.
7. The friend who left something on his grave for his 1 year angelversary. (I still haven't gotten around to going there yet!)
8. Those friends that continue to talk about Joshua and never forget that he was a real person.
9. All of the dozens of pictures I have to look at of his short life.
10. A stake president who introduced us to other parents who had lost children immediately following the funeral.
11. A stake president who visited us in the hospital and gave me and Joshua a blessing.
12. A husband who continues to let me cry and deal with my loss as I see best.
13. All of those that gave us cards and flowers for his death and funeral.
14. The friend that donated all of the gorgeous flowers for his funeral service free of charge.
15. Those that let out-of-town family stay in their home for the funeral service.
16.Those who cooked a nice lunch for our friends and family after the burial.
17. Those that put flowers on his grave, just because.
18. My family who brought me flowers for his 1st birthday.
19. A bishop who visited us in the hospital.
20. All the friends who brought us food in the hospital.
21. The friends who sent us a card on his 1 year angelversary.
22. The friend who sent me an email on his 1 year angelversary.
23. The friend that took me out to dinner on his 1st birthday.
24. The friend who gave me a beautiful picture of Christ holding an infant, just because.
25.Those that have remained my friend even when I have offended them during my grieving process.
26. Those friends that came to visit us in the hospital.
27. Good hometeachers who came to sing to Joshua in the hospital.
28. The entire stake presidency who came to give us the sacrament in the hospital. (That was amazing.)
29. Everyone who has and is still praying for us.
30. All the hundreds (and even thousands, as my stake president quoted) people who fasted for Joshua the Sunday before he died.
31. All the people that have put Joshua's (and I'm sure mine also) name on the prayer roll.
32. My mother who wrote and published an obituary for Joshua.
33. All 3 sisters (2 from out of town) who traveled here for the funeral.
34. All those who gave us money for the funeral.
35. A friend who sewed Joshua a blanket for the hospital.
36. Friends who provided a breakfast for family on the morning of the funeral.
37. My mother who shopped for and bought Joshua's burial clothes.
38. Salesi's family who traveled from northern California and Utah to attend the funeral.
39. Salesi's family who brought Tongan blankets and tapa cloths to wrap around Joshua's coffin for burial.
40. Salesi's family who sang beautiful Tongan hymns as we burried Joshua.
41. All the men who actually took turns shoveling dirt onto Joshua's grave. (Again, another amazing experience to watch.)
42. Friends that made a beautiful display of Joshua's photos for the funeral service.
43. Friends who gave me books to read about grief and loss.
44. The short 6 days I did get to spend with Joshua at home.
45. All of the doctors and nurses who took care of us.
46. Everyone else that has done anything for my family or Joshua's behalf that I have forgotten to mention.

Alright, as you can see, it's pretty hard to be mad when I am able to count my blessings.


  1. I like this post. It's good to be positive once in awhile. :)

  2. Loved reading this, sounds like you have had a lot of support these past months!

  3. I liked this post too. You put a lot of thought into the list. I was surprised to see #35.(the third #35) I still cry when I think about it.

  4. thank you for the reminder to always show gratitude despite our circumstances.

  5. This is good. Maybe I should do this too. I am a little on the mad side lately. :)

  6. This is a beautiful post. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. How are you holding up? Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season! :)

  7. We miss you. Hope you are doing well. I am glad you have much to be thankful for.

  8. Missing you on here...hope you are doing alright :( Hugs!!

  9. Funny you consider your sisters comments as "mean". They way I see it, your sisters are way over their head trying to explain themselves to you because you see them as the enemy, because they have healthy children running around and you don't. Yes it sucks, however you over do it, you abuse their love and care for you. You're blind to all their affection and mercy upon you. I'm glad you are not my sister as I would totally bash you in the face and knock some sense into you (that sounds like a lot of fun).

    And since you're so honest with your blogs I would be honest with you too. This is the vibe I get as I read your blog... you're angry as you question yourself asking "Why me?", (Why don't you ask yourself - What am I suppose to learn from this experience?), Your own family seem to be watching their steps around you, their words, their actions because you may be the type that tells them you're better than them when it comes to talent, to cooking, to money matters, to practically anything. You seem to be the type of person that likes to rub that in, in order to make yourself feel good all the while make those around you feel like crap. If you keep doing that then you'll end up alone and miserable.

    People are going out of their way to help you grieve. Babies whom you refer to as ugly have done nothing to offend you, yet here you are saying all these negative things about them to make you feel good about loosing your son whom you deem as handsome and cute. To be honest with you, if you continue the way you're heading then one would believe that your son was a lucky kid who made it back to HF early so as not to deal with an over possessed, selfish and self-righteous mother like you.

    New Year Resolution - Be positive, Be happy and cut yourself and those around you some slack! Happy New Year.

  10. Bella, why take so much time to post such a lengthy hateful comment on a personal blog about a grieving mother? Your comments about wanting to physically hurt her are seriously disturbing. Kaci is not perfect, no one is. But this blog is a way for her to openly express all her thoughts, whether they be good or bad. Grief is not pretty. Depression, Hurt, anger... All these feelings are not pretty. So instead of reading this blog and judging kaci because of her thoughts- think about how hurt, angry, sad a person must be to call other babies "ugly" and be grateful you are not going through the same trial she is right now.

  11. I just came across your blog. I am truely sorry.for your loss! We lost our son oct of 08 from a neueomuscular condition. I ahte that your part of this club and know this pain. Praying for you!!

  12. While I have not experienced the same loss as you (although something similar), I can most always relate to the things you post on here. Bella may not understand what it is like to experience such a loss, and must be trying to help in her own way. Although her comment was quite rude, I partially agree with one of her points: We all want you to be happy, have a brighter 2012, and not to have to suffer so much. I don't even personally know you, but I wish I could take away your pain.

    However, I recently read this on another blog and they described it as "Someone Get's It." Here it is:

    Dear David & Amy & Family,

    Please accept my support during this time, the 18-month anniversary of Gabriel’s death. I hope that the passage of time has lessened you pain, making it easier to embrace his memory.

    After a year and a half, many people you know may expect that you should be “getting over” your loss. Parent’s who have experienced the death of a child know that the journey is not about getting over, but learning to live with the loss of their child. It is important to realize there are no set time limits on grief. Hopefully, your bad days are farther apart and last for shorter periods of time. However, it is still important to allow for those feelings of grief to occur.

    From time to time, you may find yourself experiencing periods of sadness and pain. This is not uncommon. It is especially important to take care of yourself during these periods. You may already know the best way to do this and should trust your own instincts. Grief is a passage that everyone goes through, but how one experiences this passage can be varied and complex.

    If there is anything I can help with, please give me a call.


    Family Support Liaison"

    I think you are great any way you are and I pray that the bad days will be further apart for you.


I have never deleted anyone's comment. (Not even the mean ones from my sisters.)