March 9, 2012

I Miss Him

I miss him...

When I listen to a love song.

When I watch a sad movie.

When I see other babies, and now toddlers, and well...pretty much any children.

When I see his picture.

When I play the piano.

When I go to church. (This is a hard one.)

When I'm in love with my husband. (This might sound weird, but I didn't want to put "when I love my husband" because then it sounds like there are times when I don't love him--which may or may not be true--but as far as the love thing goes...I think all you BLM's know what I'm talking about.)

When I go on walks. (Now an everyday occurrence in my life...maybe...)

When I do genealogy work. (Okay, so besides scrap booking and journal writing--ya know, my own personal genealogy work--I just barely started indexing, but hey--I gotta start somewhere.)

When I see a beautiful painting. (Or pretty much anything beautiful.)

When I go to the temple. (I always pray that I will see him there because I'd much rather see him there than in my home...that would just freak me out.)


  1. What a sweet mom you are. I recently read about a family in my town who was hit in a car accident that wasn't their fault. The mom and dad both died, the two boys (not quite teens yet)are paralyzed from the waist down and their daughter is ok. I imagined how very hard it is for those children to deal with their new life. Then I thought of the parents and wondered how they feel looking down on their children. I asked my husband if he thought the parents were so sad that they "lost" their children and I wondered if it is really hard for them to cope with this separation. He said, "I don't know how your perspective changes when you pass away, but I imagine they are not sad." I am sorry that you have to bear this burden missing your beautiful boy who you can't physically love on, but I'm thinking that he must be doing pretty well there and has a perspective that you can't see just yet. I bet he is around you often and loves you right back.

  2. Why does church have to be so hard? I swear I am just a cynical piece now.. I just listen and think "for real?" I know it is terrible. The other day we were talking about blessings and I thought is it ok to get a blessing to believe in blessings??? LOL but kinds for real...I hate missing. I really do.

  3. I think "I Miss Him .." is a beautiful tribute to your son. I can see how much love you have for Joshua and how you remember him and honor him in everything you do. What a wonderful Mother you are. I'm sorry you didn't have more time with hime during this wordly life. He is beautiful. I can't imagine how much you actually do Miss Joshua. I can't pretend to even know, but this is one of my favorite post you have written about your son. It shows how much you love him and think of him always. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.


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