I Miss Him

I miss him...

When I listen to a love song.

When I watch a sad movie.

When I see other babies, and now toddlers, and well...pretty much any children.

When I see his picture.

When I play the piano.

When I go to church. (This is a hard one.)

When I'm in love with my husband. (This might sound weird, but I didn't want to put "when I love my husband" because then it sounds like there are times when I don't love him--which may or may not be true--but as far as the love thing goes...I think all you BLM's know what I'm talking about.)

When I go on walks. (Now an everyday occurrence in my life...maybe...)

When I do genealogy work. (Okay, so besides scrap booking and journal writing--ya know, my own personal genealogy work--I just barely started indexing, but hey--I gotta start somewhere.)

When I see a beautiful painting. (Or pretty much anything beautiful.)

When I go to the temple. (I always pray that I will see him there because I'd much rather see him there than in my home...that would just freak me out.)

Headstone #1

We'll call this "Headstone #1" because this is actually a MESS-UP. Yup. They made it wrong. The wording is correct, but the color of granite and polishing is all wrong. I asked for the darker granite, and also that the entire marker be un-polished or "rough". I know. I'm weird. I didn't want pictures or borders, or shiny granite. (I also was the one to wear a short wedding dress and get sealed at 7:30 at night...really weird, right?) Plus, it's very different in the way that we wrote out the dates. I guess you could say that I don't like commas or something. I really do like how the wording came out (even though I'm not a fan of the bottom font, but it was the only way to fit it on 3 lines--so I went with it.) And I'm very happy that I listened to my mother, the genealogist, and added the last line that reads, "First born of Kaci Goodrich & Salesi Uipi". (It needs to be hosed down and cleaned off, but I will make sure I do that with the new one coming next week.)

(Oh...and why the heck did we wait over a year to get a headstone for  Joshua?  I don't know--we just got around to it finally I guess you could say. Lame excuse, but true. Besides, Salesi wanted to wait a while for the ground to settle... It's a Tongan tradition or something??)

Still Hard

It's still hard...

Getting on Facebook to find someone who had a baby around Joshua's birthday, now announce they are pregnant with their 2nd baby.

Looking at pictures of Joshua at home--healthy--and trying to figure out exactly what went wrong, and WHEN did it go wrong?

Telling people we don't have any kids and hearing them say it's now probably a good time to start, since we've been married 4 years.

Never knowing what Joshua would look like and sound like right now, today.

Telling people about Joshua, but then having them not ask any questions about him, like--"what was his name, and what was he like"--Basically acting like he wasn't a real person.

(On a side note--Salesi told me that I say the word "basically" WAY too much. Can you count how many times I said it on here?)