Gratitude

By Kaci Goodrich Uipi

So this month I have felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Which, by the way, goes perfectly with this month being November and all. And as cheesy as it is (especially for me), I thought I would actually make a list of everything I'm thankful for when it comes to the loss of my son...

1. Friends who continually call to say they are thinking about us.
2. All the hundreds of friends (yes, there was a lot), and family that came to the funeral service.
3. The friend that sent me a plant on Joshua's birthday.
4. The friend that took me out to dinner for his 1 year angelversary.
5. The friend that texted me on his birthday.
6. The friends who called to ask if they could leave flowers on his grave for Memorial Day.
7. The friend who left something on his grave for his 1 year angelversary. (I still haven't gotten around to going there yet!)
8. Those friends that continue to talk about Joshua and never forget that he was a real person.
9. All of the dozens of pictures I have to look at of his short life.
10. A stake president who introduced us to other parents who had lost children immediately following the funeral.
11. A stake president who visited us in the hospital and gave me and Joshua a blessing.
12. A husband who continues to let me cry and deal with my loss as I see best.
13. All of those that gave us cards and flowers for his death and funeral.
14. The friend that donated all of the gorgeous flowers for his funeral service free of charge.
15. Those that let out-of-town family stay in their home for the funeral service.
16.Those who cooked a nice lunch for our friends and family after the burial.
17. Those that put flowers on his grave, just because.
18. My family who brought me flowers for his 1st birthday.
19. A bishop who visited us in the hospital.
20. All the friends who brought us food in the hospital.
21. The friends who sent us a card on his 1 year angelversary.
22. The friend who sent me an email on his 1 year angelversary.
23. The friend that took me out to dinner on his 1st birthday.
24. The friend who gave me a beautiful picture of Christ holding an infant, just because.
25.Those that have remained my friend even when I have offended them during my grieving process.
26. Those friends that came to visit us in the hospital.
27. Good hometeachers who came to sing to Joshua in the hospital.
28. The entire stake presidency who came to give us the sacrament in the hospital. (That was amazing.)
29. Everyone who has and is still praying for us.
30. All the hundreds (and even thousands, as my stake president quoted) people who fasted for Joshua the Sunday before he died.
31. All the people that have put Joshua's (and I'm sure mine also) name on the prayer roll.
32. My mother who wrote and published an obituary for Joshua.
33. All 3 sisters (2 from out of town) who traveled here for the funeral.
34. All those who gave us money for the funeral.
35. A friend who sewed Joshua a blanket for the hospital.
36. Friends who provided a breakfast for family on the morning of the funeral.
37. My mother who shopped for and bought Joshua's burial clothes.
38. Salesi's family who traveled from northern California and Utah to attend the funeral.
39. Salesi's family who brought Tongan blankets and tapa cloths to wrap around Joshua's coffin for burial.
40. Salesi's family who sang beautiful Tongan hymns as we burried Joshua.
41. All the men who actually took turns shoveling dirt onto Joshua's grave. (Again, another amazing experience to watch.)
42. Friends that made a beautiful display of Joshua's photos for the funeral service.
43. Friends who gave me books to read about grief and loss.
44. The short 6 days I did get to spend with Joshua at home.
45. All of the doctors and nurses who took care of us.
46. Everyone else that has done anything for my family or Joshua's behalf that I have forgotten to mention.

Alright, as you can see, it's pretty hard to be mad when I am able to count my blessings.

I Lost My Child Today

Exactly 1 year ago... just minutes before we unplugged all of the machines. Not exactly one of my brighter days.

I Lost My Child Today

I lost my child today.

People came to weep and cry,

As I just sat and stared dry eyed.

They struggled to find words to say,

To try and make the pain go away.

I walked the floor in disbelief,

I lost my child today

  

I lost my child last month.

Most of the people went away.

Some still call and some still stay.

I wait to wake up from this dream,

This can't be real--I want to scream.

Yet everything is locked inside,

God, help me, I want to cry.

I lost my child last month.

I lost my child last year.

Now people who had come, have gone.

I sit and struggle all day long,

To bear the pain so deep inside.

And now my friends just question, Why?

Why does this mother not move on?

Just sits and sings the same old song.

Good heavens, it has been so long.

I lost my child last year.

Time has not moved on for me.

The numbness it has disappeared.

My eyes have now cried many tears.

I see the look upon your face,

"She must move on and leave this place."

Yet I am trapped right here in time.

The songs the same, as is the rhyme,

I lost my child......Today.

-Netta Wilson

This Is What Joshua Is Doing

I thought I'd answer my own question, and tell you exactly what Joshua is doing...

He's very busy at appointments--teaching eager investigators. (He also has some that aren't quite so eager to learn, but hey--that's life.)

He occasionally spies on me. (I think most of the time he approves.)

He's meeting a lot of interesting people. Of course they're all good. Of course some of them are girls. (Now, I know you think I'm crazy to think that there's any chance he could possibly have any type of "feelings" for anybody... uhh hello--he's still a male.) 

He likes finding other people who were also hooked up to tons of tubes and ended up dying in a hospital. Ya know, they talk about how annoying it was to have all those tubes in them and especially the one down their throat, constantly gagging them. (But out of respect to their mothers, they don't laugh about it--even if now they think it's funny.)

Joshua always makes good decisions. He's one of those super-valiant-obedient-types. (I know what your'e thinking, but it's not always that simple--he still has to make decisions.) 

He's learning a lot about Tonga. (Hmm, I think he even goes to visit every so often.)

He runs into famous people all the time, but doesn't think anything of it. (I mean, he still acts impressed.)