The Beginning Of The End

Joshua at 9 days old waiting in the ER for a more permanent room in the Pediatric Ward at St. Joe's Hospital in Phoenix.

If you look closely at this picture, you will notice a 9 day-old baby with perfect olive skin, a perfect shaped head, and the perfect ability to sleep and breathe on his own.

If you look much closer at this picture, you will notice a large bruise on Joshua's left hand. This was from the IV line he had in him during his 3 day stay in the NICU following his birth, hence the IV line stuck in his head this time around.

If you look really close at this picture, you will notice a beautiful little baby who is about to leave his mommy and daddy and end his mortal existence on this Earth.

Did you see it?

Joshua was so perfect in every way...yet he wasn't. I didn't know it at the time, but this really was the beginning of the end for Little Joshua. This is the very last picture we have of him where he still looks healthy and normal. (Besides having that stupid thing sticking out of his head, of course.)

I miss him. I've been thinking about potentially bringing another little one into this world but, it scares me. It really scares me. After pondering the last couple of weeks about whether or not we should conceive a baby naturally, I've realized that it scares me too much to consider that option. A 1 in 4 chance is way too risky for me, no matter what others say or think.

And right now I still have so many feelings locked inside of me, that I'm not sure when the time will come to make that final decision.

Done With Kids

Sometimes I feel like we are done having kids. It's as if we already raised our kids and now it's back to just the two of us doing our own thing because our kids have moved out of the house. Weird. Or, maybe I don't want to think about having kids right now because I'm finally enjoying my life just a little.

Well I can't do anything anyway until I have a followup appointment with my Pulmonologist about my Valley Fever blood test. Weird again. He wanted me to wait to get pregnant until he knew that my Valley Fever status hadn't changed in 3 months. (Man, I sure am personal on this blog.)

I'm still not even sure about the whole kid thing. (I can think of a million excuses as to why I would be a bad candidate to bearing and raising children, by the way.) Why is it when you want kids you can't have them? And when you don't want kids it's as if you know you should have them?

Painting of Joshua

Can you tell what my favorite Christmas gift was last year?

My sister Kelley made this for me. (Pretty good eh?)

Why Don't You Have 10 Kids Yet

By Kaci Goodrich Uipi

Here's a little something funny... or maybe not. (At least I'm now laughing about it.)

While in Utah my sister Kelley decided we should go to the beauty college to be pampered (or something like that). So as we were sitting there getting manicures (which BTW don't EVER get manicures at a beauty school. TRUST ME.) Kelley's student kept going on and on about how she has 7 kids and her life is so busy. She then made a comment about "not being that old" and "only being a few years older than this girl over there". (She said this while pointing her finger in my direction.) She then added, "Yeah, where are your 10 kids!?" Trying to be polite I responded with, "Oh, well I didn't get married till I was about 28."

Now here comes the funny part... When we got home later that day, I reminded my sister of the rude remark her student said to me. Kelley exclaimed, "Kaci! She wasn't even talking to you! I was so shocked when you answered her because she was talking to the girl behind you!" I still didn't believe that her student was talking to someone other than me, but I finally decided to move on and just go with it. 

Let me just add one more thing... I was SO close to saying to her, "Why don't I have 10 kids yet!? Well it's a little hard to have 10 kids when you don't get married until you are 28 and then your first baby dies!!" Yeah...that would have shown her!

(PS--I have never thought that 28 is an old age for marriage. I know people that do, which is another story for another time.)